If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you would pick up someone in the library
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
