Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize