I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
