We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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