im drinking this country out of the recession.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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