4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
