i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
