omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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