do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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