Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
