I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
