you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
