somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
