dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
