I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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