im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
