I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
