i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
