I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
