I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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