in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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