Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
