Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
