you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
