he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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