Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
