i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
