I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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