im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
nutella sex= disaster
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
