just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Randomize
