Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
