did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
