i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
