question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
