You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
