worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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