Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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