Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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