why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
