Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
