So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
you had me at cake vodka
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
