video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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