we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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