Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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