And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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