And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
