I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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