i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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