so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
