My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
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