I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
