i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
