he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
