I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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