I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
