he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
