I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
