just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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