i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
