I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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