Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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