apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
