I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize