I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
